I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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