I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
