Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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