Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
