That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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