hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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