I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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