It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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