If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
