dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's the barista slut.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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