So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize