I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
