her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize