I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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