hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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