***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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