he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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