Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
