i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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