last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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