Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
