ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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