Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
