Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
