I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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