I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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