Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
