You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
