Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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