you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
