So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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