she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
