Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize