If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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