How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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