I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
