I just saw a hot homeless man
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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