I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
