Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
