I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Two words: nipple clamps
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