my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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