he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The uberlube is also flammable
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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