i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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