Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm at about main and main street
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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