I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
