I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
