you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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