We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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