smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
