strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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