He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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