I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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