You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
