She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
