Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize