i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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