My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
