my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
