I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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