no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize