I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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